Wilson Mizner Quotes


"You sparkle with larceny."
- Wilson Mizner
"To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Bed, Embarrassment, Lady)

"There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless."
- Wilson Mizner
"The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Power, Women, Tears, Water, World)

"Most hard-boiled people are half-baked."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: People)

"The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Difference)

"The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock."
- Wilson Mizner
"The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Friends)

"Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Life, Party, Popularity)

"The first hundred years are the hardest."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: First, Years)

"To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Wisdom, Advice, Profit)

"If you count all your assets you always show a profit."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Profit)

"I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Heroes, Hollywood, Years)

"I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Fortune, Lawyers)

"I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile."
- Wilson Mizner
"I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Education, Faith, Doubt, Respect)

"If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Plagiarism, Research)

"I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Flattery, Hate)

"Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Life, First, Years)

"I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at."
- Wilson Mizner
"Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Hollywood, Service)

"God help those who do not help themselves."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: God, Help)

"I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'"
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Lying)

"Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: People)

"A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Drama, Surprises)

"A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Fool)

"A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Popular)

"A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: People, Ambition, Fortune, Man)

"In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Talent, Battle, Existence, Tact)

"Art is science made clear."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Art, Science)

"Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Being, Desire)

"Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Talk, Will)

"Failure has gone to his head."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Failure)

"Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Nothing)

"It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Art, Life, Self)

"All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long."
- Wilson Mizner
(Related: Anger, Scripture)