Fran Lebowitz Quotes
"Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Life, Will)
"Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Being, Fact, News, Talk)
"Polite conversation is rarely either."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Conversation)
"Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Thought, People)
"Nothing succeeds like address."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Nothing)
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Conversation)
"Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: First, Want)
"Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Love, Illness, Reality, Romantic)
"My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Favorite)
"The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive."
- Fran Lebowitz
"Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Life, Sleep)
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Nature)
"Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Public, Scientists, Style)
"In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Capitalism, Communism, Country, Democracy)
"Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Success)
"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Listening, Talking, Waiting)
"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: People, Talk)
"To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Land)
"Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Purpose, Sense)
"Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: People, Ability, Effort, Feeling, Will)
"When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Rest, World)
"You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: People, Hope, Will)
"You're only as good as your last haircut."
- Fran Lebowitz
"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Life)
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Life)
"Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Sex, Children)
"There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Death, Peace, Behavior, Nervousness)
"Andy Warhol made fame more famous."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Fame, Famous)
"As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Life, Will)
"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Buying)
"Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Women, Being, Football, Interest, Play, Woman)
"Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Iraq)
"Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Children, Fun, Opponents)
"Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Business, Dance, Old, Opinion, Popular)
"Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Children, Clothes)
"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Life)
"Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Day)
"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Children, Obvious)
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Diet, Food)
"I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: People, Heart, Courtesy, Old, Politeness, Sense, Spirit, Value, Word)
"If you're going to America, bring your own food."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Food, America)
"If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Future)
"If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Nature, Actions, Contemplation, Forget, Opinion, Suicide, Words)
"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: God, Children, Fact)
"I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Winning, Play)
"Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: People, Ideas, Talk, Wine)
"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Consciousness, Drugs)
"I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?"
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Adulthood, Children, Wonder)
"I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Experience, Company)
"I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Winning, Chance, Play)
"Humility is no substitute for a good personality."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Humility, Personality)
"Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications."
- Fran Lebowitz
(Related: Cause, School)
"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail."
- Fran Lebowitz