George Burns Quotes
"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."
- George Burns
(Related: Retirement)
"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."
- George Burns
(Related: Trouble)
"It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."
- George Burns
(Related: Sex)
"If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it."
- George Burns
"Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life."
- George Burns
(Related: Life, Future, Rest)
"I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere."
- George Burns
(Related: Age)
"Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere."
- George Burns
(Related: Age)
"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it."
- George Burns
(Related: Key, Longevity, Stress, Tension, Worry)
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
- George Burns
(Related: Age, Sex, Trying)
"The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
- George Burns
(Related: Honesty, Acting)
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible."
- George Burns
(Related: Beginning, Ending)
"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."
- George Burns
"Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair."
- George Burns
(Related: People, Country, Hair, Running)
"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."
- George Burns
(Related: People, Country, Driving, Hair)
"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."
- George Burns
(Related: Sea)
"I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill."
- George Burns
(Related: Age, Now)
"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
- George Burns
(Related: Money, Bed)
"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."
- George Burns
(Related: Old, Wonder)
"How can I die? I'm booked."
- George Burns
"You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made."
- George Burns
"It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere."
- George Burns
"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
- George Burns
(Related: Honesty, Acting)
"At my age flowers scare me."
- George Burns
(Related: Age, Flowers)
"Be quick to learn and wise to know."
- George Burns
(Related: Quick)
"Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up."
- George Burns
(Related: Time)
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
- George Burns
(Related: Family, Happiness, Caring)
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
- George Burns
(Related: Faces, First, Forget, Names)
"How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days."
- George Burns
(Related: Light, Old)
"I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate."
- George Burns
(Related: Love, Success, Failure, Hate)
"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."
- George Burns
(Related: Sex)
"I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money."
- George Burns
(Related: Money)
"I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked."
- George Burns
(Related: Dying, Now)
"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate."
- George Burns
(Related: Love, Success, Failure, Hate)
"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life."
- George Burns
(Related: Life, Future, Rest)
"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something."
- George Burns
(Related: Age, Day)
"I spent a year in that town, one Sunday."
- George Burns
"I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age."
- George Burns
(Related: Age, Women)
"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle."
- George Burns
(Related: Happiness, Woman)
"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."
- George Burns
(Related: Age, People, Past)