Jay London Quotes
"I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights."
- Jay London
(Related: Hair)
"I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm."
- Jay London
(Related: Weather)
"I model irregular clothing."
- Jay London
"I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me."
- Jay London
(Related: Identity, Theft, Worry)
"Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?"
- Jay London
"Do you know it was a year a ago today?"
- Jay London
(Related: Today)
"After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride."
- Jay London
(Related: Cause, Pride, Privilege, Years)
"I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world."
- Jay London
(Related: End, World, Worry)
"At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?"
- Jay London
(Related: Country, Light, Wonder)
"I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it."
- Jay London
(Related: Military, Training)
"You know what burns me? Matches."
- Jay London
"They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults."
- Jay London
(Related: Thought)
"People read me but they don't subscribe."
- Jay London
(Related: People)
"My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese."
- Jay London
(Related: Family)
"My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings."
- Jay London
(Related: Girlfriend)
"My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality."
- Jay London
(Related: Girlfriend, Personality)
"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings."
- Jay London
(Related: Father)
"My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless."
- Jay London
(Related: Boss)
"I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else."
- Jay London
"I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness."
- Jay London
(Related: Performance, Cause, Drugs, May)
"I saw a stationery store move."
- Jay London
"I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger."
- Jay London
(Related: Home, Manager, Lady)
"I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?"
- Jay London
"I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time."
- Jay London
(Related: Time)
"I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling."
- Jay London
"I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road."
- Jay London
(Related: Driving, Lonely, Road)
"I was born nine months premature."
- Jay London
(Related: Months)
"I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out."
- Jay London
(Related: Music, Father)
"I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough."
- Jay London
(Related: Army)
"I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out."
- Jay London
(Related: Hair, Loss)
"It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes."
- Jay London
"I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody."
- Jay London
"A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked."
- Jay London
(Related: Information, Job, Questions)
"A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock."
- Jay London
(Related: Opportunity)