Mark Twain Quotes
"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Smiles)
"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Imagination, Eyes, Focus)
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Time, Majority)
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Friends, Old)
"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
- Mark Twain
(Related: Humanity, Satan)
"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved."
- Mark Twain
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Thought, Doubt, Fool)
"Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Soul, Dress, Will)
"Better a broken promise than none at all."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Promise)
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Health, Books, May, Reading)
"Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Work, Body, Play)
"Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Fire, Words)
"Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Marriage, Ideas, Wit)
"Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Truth, Fiction, Sense)
"Work is a necessary evil to be avoided."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Work, Evil)
"Buy land, they're not making it anymore."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Land)
"A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Time, Man, Right)
"George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Lie, Accomplishments, Washington, Youth)
"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Life, Books, Friends)
"Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Humor, Heaven, Joy, Sorrow)
"Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Facts, Statistics)
"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Children, Contempt, Familiarity)
"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Example)
"Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Education)
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Forgiveness)
"Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Thoughts)
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Facts, First)
"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Giving, Smoking, World)
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Climate, Company, Heaven, Hell)
"God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board."
- Mark Twain
(Related: God, Practice, School)
"Golf is a good walk spoiled."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Golf)
"Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Breeding)
"Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Truth, Fiction, Possibilities)
"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Approval, Man)
"Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Laughter, Nothing)
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Age, Mind)
"All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Success, Confidence, Ignorance)
"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Anger, Harm)
"Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Emotion)
"Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Gold)
"As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Care, Example, Moderation, Smoking)
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, Rest, Right, Will)
"A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Man)
"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
- Mark Twain
(Related: First, Living, Nothing, Saying, World)
"Don't let schooling interfere with your education."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Education)
"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live."
- Mark Twain
(Related: May)
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Lady, Old)
"Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish."
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, Fish)
"Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Nothing, Today)
"If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way."
- Mark Twain
"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know."
- Mark Twain
"I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Opportunity)
"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Man)
"Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Order)
"Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Care, Grief, Joy, Value)
"I never let schooling interfere with my education."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Education)
"If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later."
- Mark Twain
(Related: End, Want, World, Years)
"I've never let my school interfere with my education."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Education, School)
"All generalizations are false, including this one."
- Mark Twain
"A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Character, Conversation, Man, May)
"A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read."
- Mark Twain
"A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Idea)
"Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Action, Words)
"All right, then, I'll go to hell."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Hell, Right)
"If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Man)
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Saying)
"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Money, Policy, Honesty)
"If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first."
- Mark Twain
(Related: First, Frogs, Job)
"He is now rising from affluence to poverty."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Now, Poverty)
"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Mind, Quantity)
"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Humor, Mankind)
"I can live for two months on a good compliment."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Compliment, Months)
"Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Humor)
"I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Man, Word)
"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Friends, Heaven, Hell)
"I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough."
- Mark Twain
"I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Time)
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Education)
"I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Exercise)
"I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping."
- Mark Twain
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Man, Old)
"What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce."
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, Earth, Woman)
"We are all alike, on the inside."
- Mark Twain
"We have the best government that money can buy."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Government, Money)
"What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before."
- Mark Twain
"What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Life)
"What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Difference, Tax, Skin)
"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Men, Women)
"When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people."
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, Being)
"When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear."
- Mark Twain
"When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not."
- Mark Twain
"When in doubt tell the truth."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Truth, Doubt)
"When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself."
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, Heart, Man, Respect)
"When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn."
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, Hair)
"We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Americans, World)
"When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Love, Heart, Fish)
"Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Truth, Nothing, Will, Wrong)
"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Life)
"There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress."
- Mark Twain
(Related: American, Class, Congress)
"There are lies, damned lies and statistics."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Lies, Statistics)
"There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Happiness, People)
"There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Cowardice, Temptation)
"Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Truth)
"There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Charm, Forbidden)
"Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Hurt, Moderation, Water)
"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Sight)
"Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others."
- Mark Twain
"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Circumstances, Prayer, Profanity)
"To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Trouble)
"To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Awards)
"To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Life, Confidence, Ignorance, Succeed)
"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Truth, Fiction, Possibilities)
"Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Work)
"There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Race)
"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Food, Life, Success, Fight)
"Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough."
- Mark Twain
"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Death, Time, Life, Fear, Man)
"The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Beginning, Word)
"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Difference, Right, Word)
"The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Medical, Christian, Bible, Practice)
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
- Mark Twain
"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Congress)
"Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Pity, Race)
"Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Time, Will, Writing)
"Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Education)
"Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late."
- Mark Twain
"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Congress)
"Prosperity is the best protector of principle."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Prosperity)
"Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Business)
"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year."
- Mark Twain
(Related: April, Day, First)
"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Government, Patriotism, Time, Country)
"The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it."
- Mark Twain
"Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we.""
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, Editors, Kings, Right)
"Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Force, Principles)
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Health, Want)
"There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded."
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, First)
"The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Wit)
"The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice."
- Mark Twain
(Related: History, Prejudice)
"The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Fools, Right, Trouble)
"The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Humor, Heaven, Joy, Sorrow)
"The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Opinion)
"The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause."
- Mark Twain
(Related: May, Right, Word)
"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Death)
"The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Man)
"The Public is merely a multiplied "me.""
- Mark Twain
(Related: Public)
"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Laughter, Race)
"The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Children, Information)
"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Law, Sense)
"The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Forbidden, Popular)
"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Lie)
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Books, Man)
"The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Lie, Difference)
"The lack of money is the root of all evil."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Money, Evil)
"The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Cowards, Race)
"The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Opinion, Public, Worth)
"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them."
- Mark Twain
(Related: God, Conscience, Country, Freedom, Goodness, Practice, Prudence, Speech)
"Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Control, Laws, Man, Right)
"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Blind, Kindness, Language)
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Fight)
"It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Truth, Fiction, Sense, Wonder)
"It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Golf)
"It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it."
- Mark Twain
(Related: America)
"Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Party, Pity)
"It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Difference, Opinion)
"Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about."
- Mark Twain
"Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Will)
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Courage, World)
"It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Speech)
"It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Lie)
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, Doubt, Fool, Open)
"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them."
- Mark Twain
"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Class, Congress, Facts)
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Trouble)
"It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Bible)
"In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Spring, Weather)
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."
- Mark Twain
(Related: God, First, Idiots, Practice, School)
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Truth)
"It is easier to stay out than get out."
- Mark Twain
"Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins."
- Mark Twain
"It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Dumb, Man, Perceptions, Vanity)
"Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Nothing)
"Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Conversation, Effort)
"No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon."
- Mark Twain
(Related: First)
"Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits."
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, Habits, Needs, Nothing)
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Day, Tomorrow)
"Necessity is the mother of taking chances."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Mother, Necessity)
"Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Accident, Name)
"My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Books, Drinks, Water, Wine)
"Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Advertising, Right)
"Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Man, Will)
"Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Work, God, End, Man)
"Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Blushes, Man, Needs)
"Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Work, God, End, Man)
"Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Government, Country, Loyalty)
"Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Soul, Loyalty, Opinion)
"Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Hope)
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Age, Life)
"Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Old)
"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Mother, Trouble)
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Fear, Courage, Absence)
"Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Death, Fear)
"Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, Rest, Right, Will)
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Denial)
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Society, People, Clothes, Influence, Man)
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Climate, Weather)
"'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read."
- Mark Twain
(Related: People, Praise)
"Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Civilization)
"By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Adversity, Man, Trying)
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
- Mark Twain
(Related: Education, College, Nothing)